


honestly why the hell not?

by MisolineExplorer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: :)), ? - Freeform, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, ENDGAME D O E S N T EXIST, ENDGAME DOESNT EXIST, Group chat, Hell, I repeat, Light Angst, Not, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Team Red + Danger Gays, Texting, flash is really a dick in this, half of this is literally team red and danger gays, hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, honestly why the hell not, ive seen everyone else do it, sksksksksksk, so answer me, the, whats endgame? dont know her, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2019-11-13 05:07:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18025268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisolineExplorer/pseuds/MisolineExplorer
Summary: GBPP has added underoos, Capcicle, vent rat, Natasha, fridge, roady, green eggs, and birb to 'I'm bored'Capcicle: Tony, what is this?underoos: FYEUWOINQFYUEISNW IS THAT THE ACTUAL CAPTAIN AMERICAA OHMY G O D   NE D IS GOING TO F R E A Kvent rat: uhGBPP: jfc calm down kiddo





	1. Chapter 1

**GBPP has added underoos, Capcicle, vent rat, Natasha, fridge, roady, green eggs, and birb to 'I'm bored'**

**Capcicle:** Tony, what is this?

 

 **underoos:** FYEUWOINQFYUEISNW IS THAT THE ACTUAL CAPTAIN AMERICAA OHMY G O D NE D IS GOING TO F R E A K

 

 **vent rat:** uh

 

 **GBPP:** jfc calm down kiddo

 

 **underoos:** skskksks sorry mr stark

 

 **Capcicle:** Who are you, 'underoos'?

 

 **underoos:** hey im michael with a b and ive been afraid of insects my entire life

 

 **vent rat:** oh my god you did n o t

 

 **Capcicle:** What are you talking about? And wheres the B?

 

 **underoos:** tHeReS a BeE?!?!?!????

 

 **underoos:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANFUEONFUENWUIEFNONUIN

 

 **green eggs:** Okay, i just heard a glass break. What's going on????

 

 **GBPP:** kid, i stg im having even more gray hairs than usual from your shenanigans

 

 **underoos:** im sorry mr stark but its grey, not gray

 

 **GBPP:** im pretty sure there wasn't even a time where its been called grey

 

 **underoos:** mr stark its grey

 

 **green eggs:** underoos broke a glass???

 

 **GBPP:** gray

 

 **underoos:** gray sounds like gay and thats exactly what you are

 

 **GBPP:** kiddo.

 

 **vent rat:** its grey

 

 **underoos:** see???? even he agrees with me!!

 

 **Capcicle:** You all realize that both spellings are correct, right?

 

 **green eggs:** why is no one talking about the fact that 'underoos' is in the tower right now and they apparently broke something????

 

 **GBPP:** morons. all of you. morons.

 

 **Capcicle:** That's not very nice.

 

 **underoos:** well it isn't nice to leave your 'friend' out for dead, is it??

 

 **green eggs:** what

 

 **vent rat:** what

 

 **Capcicle:** What?

 

 **GBPP:** Kid.

 

 **underoos:** i tAKE THAT BACK LETS NOT TALK ABOUT IT

 

 **GBPP:** we're still having a talk about it later

 

 **Capcicle:** How does he know about the airport?

 

 **GBPP:** non of your business, thats for sure

 

 **Capcicle:** I thought we were past keeping secrets, Tony.

 

 **underoos:** can you two??? please not fight???

 

 **underoos:** i really dont like it when people fight

 

 **green eggs:** for once, underoos is right

 

 **underoos:** i dont know if that was an insult or a compliment

 

 **GBPP:** alright but that doesn't stop me at snapping at him, alright?

 

 **green eggs:** Tony...

 

 **vent rat:** woah woah woah where is all the toxicity coming from??

 

 **Capcicle:** Clint's right. Can't we all just put away our differences aside?

 

 **GBPP:** ...

 

 **GBPP:** only one chance. you're on thin fucking ice.

 

 **Capcicle:** Language, there's a kid in this group chat.

 

 **underoos** : im not a kid!!!

 

 **GBPP:** yeah sure, tell me when you stop looking like your 12

 

 **green eggs:** you're**

 

 **GBPP:** stfu bruce

 

 **underoos:** hold up

 

 **underoos:** bruce,,, AS IN BRUCE  BA N N E R????

 

 **underoos:** DOES THAT MEAN IM IN A GROUP CHAT WITH

 

 **vent rat:** jfc how do they type so fast????

 

 **green eggs:** yeah I'm pretty sure the hulks pretty famous by now

 

 **underoos:** N O 

 

 **underoos:** you didnt let me finish

 

 **underoos:** I MEAN THE MOST RENOWNED SCIENTIST OF THE GENERATION

 

 **underoos:** YOUR PAPERS ARE SPECTACULAR. I SWEAR MY CROPS THRIVE, MY SKIN CLEAR AND MY DEPRESSION DISAPPEARS EVERY TIME I HEAR ABOUT YOUR RESEARCH

 

 **underoos:** FYUENIFWEUISNUFNEUNE IM SO HONORED TO BE TALKING TO YOU, MY LORD AND SAVIOR

 

 **GBPP:** great job kid you broke him

 

 **vent rat:** can confirm, hes under his desk rn and sobbing loudly

 

 **GBPP:** youre not???? in his lab rn????

 

 **vent rat:** look at my name, old man

 

 **GBPP:** i feel so offended right now

 

 **green eggs:** im just amazed that he could even understand a percent of my writing

 

 **GBPP:** yeah hes a bit niave but hes a great kid. dont ever underestimate him, he can do anything

 

 **underoos:** im sobbing rn mr stark

 

 **GBPP:** but hes really a dumbass at times

 

 **vent rat:** roasted lol

  

 **green eggs:** no seriously??? even the most top colleges out there can't understand a single word out of the documents

 

 **Capcicle:** Wait, hold on. I just remembered something.

 

 **Capcicle:** Tony. You called Spider-Man 'underoos' during the airports.

 

 **underoos:** FINALLY SOMEONE WHO USES THE HYPHEN

 

 **vent rat:** busted.

 

 **underoos:** uh o h

 

 **GBPP:** Not right now, cap

 

 **Capcicle:** Well excuse me but I think this is the perfect time to talk about the arachnid.

 

 **underoos:** im sorry but that kinda reminded me of that one time wade called me an 'arachnid virgin' and i was weirdly grossed out

 

 **GBPP:** WHAT.

 

 **vent rat:**  ew

 

 **green eggs:** wade???

 

 **Capcicle:** What.

 

 **underoos:** UH OH I GOTTA ZOOM

 

 **underoos:** I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL BEFORE I MISS MY NEXT PERIOD

 

 **underoos:** BYE DAD

 

 **underoos:** **MR STARK

 

 **underoos:** OH MY G O D IM SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME

 

 **underoos:** BYE

 

 **vent rat:** w h a t ????? school????

 

 **roady:** Okay, can someone explain why when I went to the living room, I found Tony laying on the ground and sobbing???

 

 **roady:**  hes repeating 'he called me dad' over and over again

 

 **GBPP:** blocked

 

 **roady:** im scrolling up

 

 **roady:** oh

 

 **roady:** so the kid finally called you dad, huh?

 

 **GBPP:** shut up

 

 **roady:** Tony. You literally cried when the kid gave you a card for Father's Day.

 

 **vent rat:** wait you met the kid before????

 

 **roady:** yeah, hes a really great kid

 

 **green eggs:** we can tell

 

 **GBPP:** WAIT SHIT

 

 **GBPP:** MOTHeR FUCKER

 

 **Capcicle:** Language!

 

 **GBPP:** NOT RIGHT NOW

 

 **GBPP:** THAT LITTLE SHIT

 

 **GBPP:** ITS SATURDAY. HE DOESNT HAVE SCHOOL

 

 **GBPP:** KID COME BACK RIGHT NOW YOURE GROUNDED

 

 **vent rat:** irondad™

 

 **GBPP:**  stfu

 

 **green eggs:** New topic; who is wade?

 

 **GBPP:** i dont know but ill kick his goddamn ass if i have to.

 

 **vent rat:** sorry but i gotta go. nats calling me to meet up somewhere and i dont thinks she'll approve of me texting this gc

 

 **GBPP:** go then, god knows that she can be really scary when she wants to

 

 **green eggs:** seconded

 

 **vent rat:** alright, bye then

 

 **vent rat:** tell underoos i said hi

 

 **GBPP:** alright

 

 **birb:** Who's underoos?

 

 **green eggs:** Tony's son.

 

 **GBPP** : BRUCE NO.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuewopfnewinfeinfie this chapter features the Decathlon Team!
> 
> Harrington = Mr. Harrington  
> yeeter = Peter  
> guyinthechair = Ned  
> only my friends call me MJ = MJ  
> fastestman = Flash  
> 16th president = Abe  
> cylinder = Cindy  
> Betty = Betty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

**[Decathlon Team]**

 

**[yeeter has logged on]**

 

 **yeeter:** oh my g o d nednednedned

 

 **guyinthechair:** Peter?? yeah????

 

 **yeeter:** YNFEUIANWIFEUSNI i need to move, now. im packing my stuff as we talk

 

 **guyinthechair:** Woah what happened????

 

 **yeeter:** i called mr stark dad!!

 

 **guyinthechair:** PETER

 

 **guyinthechair:** OH MY GOD

 

 **yeeter:** i know right?!????

 

 **guyinthechair:** uh theres something else

 

 **guyinthechair:** Peter this isnt private chat

 

 **yeeter:** what do you mean

 

 **yeeter:** oh

 

 **yeeter:** OH

 

 **fastestman:** well isnt it penis parker

 

 **Harrington:** That's a strike for you, Flash. One more derogatory word and you can say goodbye to the Decathlon Team.

 

 **16th president:** oooooooo Flash just got busted!

 

 **fastestman:** this isn't over, parker

 

 **only my friends call me MJ:** Watch it, Eugene

 

 **cylinder:** oof

 

 **yeeter:** stop saying oof, it died like two years ago

 

 **only my friends call me MJ:** hypocrite

 

 **guyinthechair:** oof

 

 **Betty:** are we seriously going to ignore the fact that Peter apparently called Tony Stark, THE Tony Stark, his dad???

 

 **fastestman:** please don't tell me you believe that wet pile of BS

 

 **guyinthechair:** It's true!!!

 

 **yeeter:** sksjsjsskksksks ned dont say that

 

 **cylinder:** how did you even get into that situation????

 

 **yeeter:** u h i was talking to him and a few others but then i just happened to slip a bit and y e a h

 

 **yeeter:** I had to zoom out quickly after

 

 **fastestman:** pfft AS IF

 

 **only my friends call me MJ:** Eugene.

 

 **guyinthechair:** oh shiiiiiiit

 

 **Betty:** *slow clap*

 

 **fastestman:** What?? Penis is obviously lying!

 

 **Harrington:** What did I say about derogatory words? Flash, you're on time out.

 

 **cylinder:** double oh-shit

 

 **yeeter:** KSSKSKMSUIMDIWMM

 

 **yeeter:** i gotta go! bye!!

 

 **guyinthechair:** Bye!!!

 

 **only my friends call me MJ:** see ya

 

 **Betty:** bye!

 

 **cylinder:** by!!

 

 

**[yeeter has logged off]**

 

 

///

 

 

**[danger gays]**

 

**[biderman has logged on]**

 

 **biderman:** okay i might not be able to make it at friday

 

 **censor:** awwww why not?

 

 **biderman:** im going to the theaters with Ned and MJ and its a one time thing

 

 **monster fucker:** Fair enough

 

 **monster fucker:** is Flash bothering you still?

 

 **biderman:** u h whatcha talking about??

 

 **monster fucker:** you're terrible at lies, Peter

 

 **censor:** i call disposing his body!

 

 **monster fucker:** too late

 

 **censor:** awww

 

 **biderman:** skskskks n O

 

 **monster fucker:** v's been waiting all month to do it, Peter

 

 **monster fucker:** you wouldn't let him down, would you??

 

 **biderman:** stop guilt-tripping me :(((

 

 **censor:** anYWAYS

 

 **censor:** you guys are still coming to dominos at 6 right?

 

 **biderman:** of course!!

 

 **monster fucker:** sure

 

 **censor:** we still have to wear our suit but eddie you can go in your normal wear

 

 **censor:** eddie?

 

 **censor:** eddie??

 

 **biderman:** where'd he go

 

 **monster fucker:** wade you slick fuck

 

 **monster fucker:** oh my g od

 

 **censor:** ????

 

 **biderman:** oh no

 

 **monster fucker:** i saw the news

 

 **monster fucker:** wade how did you beat pete in a costume contest

 

 **biderman:** EDDIE NO

 

 **censor:** o h yeah

 

 **biderman:** EDDIE YOU PROMISED

 

 **monster fucker:** I didnt promise anything

 

 **monster fucker:** but still

 

 **monster fucker:** h o w

 

 **censor:** i honestly dont know myself

 

 **censor:** i think the guy was actually blind

 

 **biderman:** he was matt,,,,,

 

 **censor:** wait WHAT

 

 **monster fucker:** oh god this is priceless

 

 **censor:** fbeytuibfyueiwb M A T T ? ??

 

 **biderman:** i recognized those glasses from anywhere

 

 **monster fucker:** im paying matt later for this

 

 **biderman:** eddie no

 

 **censor:** eddie yes

 

 **monster fucker:** eddie yes

 

 **biderman:** shit

 

 **biderman:** i gotta go

 

 **biderman:** theres a bank robery

 

 **censor:** okay!! bye baby boy!

 

 **censor:** love you!!!

 

 **monster fucker:** ew, and see ya kid

 

 **biderman:** im not a kid!!

 

 **censor:** s u r e

 

 **biderman:** yall are mean

 

 **biderman:** anyways, bye!!!!

 

**[biderman has logged off]**

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**[I'm bored]**

 

**[ (6:45) underoos is online]**

 

 **underoos:** gmorning everyone!!! ♡✧( ु•⌄• ) ✿✿✿

 

 **underoos:** lets get this bread started!! (o≧∇≦)o *✲ﾟ* ✿✿

 

 **underoos:** be sure to eat three meals a day and stay hydrated!!! That's rly important! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ✿✿

 

 **underoos:** i know for a fact that some of you take medication so please take it!!  ✰⁎*(ヽ>ω< ﾉ) ✰⁎*/ ✿✿

 

 **underoos:** also mr stark, please dont stay in the lab too long!! (و•̀ω•́)و ✿✿

 

 **underoos:** i gotta go now! bye!! ╰(* °∇° * )☆ﾟ。･＋ ✿✿

 

 **underoos:** have a nice day everyone! UwU ✿✿✿

 

**[ (6:46) underoos is now offline]**

 

**[ (7:43) Capcicle, vent rat, and roady are online]**

 

 **Capcicle:** Why thank you, underoos!

 

 **vent rat:** i need to meet this kid now

 

 **vent rat:** rhoady whats his name

 

 **roady:** I doubt that Tony would ever let any of you know the kid's name

 

**[ (7:44) GBPP is now online]**

**GBPP:** damn right i wont

 

 **vent rat** : cmonnnn ive been dying to meet him

 

 **GBPP:** I'm not letting you meet him, clit

 

 **vent rat** : W O W

 

 **GBPP:** **clint

 

 **vent rat** : IM SO OFFeNDED RIGHT NOW

 

 **GBPP** : honestly idk about you but that perfectly describes you right now

 

 **vent rat:** h a r r a s m e n t

 

**[ (7:49) underoos is online right now]**

 

 **underoos:** hewwo UwU

 

 **vent rat:** kid whats ur name

 

 **GBPP** : underoos, I stg if you give out your name

 

 **underoos** : you can call me yeeter

 

 **underoos:** which kinda rhymes with my actual name!!

 

 **vent rat** : whats your real name

 

 **GBPP** : KID NO

 

 **underoos** : u h im pete which is really really like REALLy close to my actual name

 

 **GBPP** : k i d

 

**[ (7:51) Nastaha is now online]**

**Nastaha:** This is the only time I'm going to be online but I'm going to take a guess and say it's Peter.

 

 **underoos:** ding ding ding!!

 

 **vent rat** : well hello~

 

 **Natasha** : Bye.

 

**[ (7:53) Natasha is now offline]**

 

 **underoos:** :((

 

 **vent rat** : so,,, 'Peter' huh?

 

 **GBPP** : you both are in SO much trouble

 

 **Capcicle** : If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, Peter?

 

 **underoos** : sorry you gotta be level five to know that

 

 **vent rat** : what level am i??

 

 **underoos** : u h h 3??

 

 **underoos** : i mean like mr starks 7, mr rogers is 2, happy is 6, and everyone else is also a 3

 

 **Capcicle** : Why am I lower than everyone else?

 

 **underoos** : i have my own reasons

 

 **Capcicle** : Alright, I won't push.

 

 **underoos** : stop making me feel guilty :<

 

 **vent rat** : why is happy on the list??

 

 **underoos** : because i trust him UwU

 

 **underoos** : also we met through mr stark

 

 **vent rat** : fair enough

 

///

 

**[Mr. Stark >> Yeeter Yarker]**

 

 **Mr. Stark** : Okay, kid

 

 **Mr. Stark** : I'm going on a business trip to Wakanda and I'll be gone for a week, alright?

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Mkay!!!

 

 **Mr. Stark** : Call or text me if you need anything.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : okay!!!

 

 **Mr. Stark** : Please, for the love of god, don't get into any trouble.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : k!!

 

 **Mr. Stark** : Stop replying in one-worded response

 

 **Mr. Stark** : Its making me think you're going to do the exact opposite of what I just said

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : What do you mean, mr stark?? >_>

 

 **Mr. Stark** : Peter,,,,

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Alright alright, stop being such a buzzkill :((

 

 **Mr. Stark** : wow, i am SO offended right now

 

 **Mr. Stark** : I'm serious, don't get into any trouble.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : okay!!!

 

///

 

 

**[i'm bored]**

 

 

 **GBPP** : Okay, so I'm going to be gone for a week for a business trip

 

 **vent rat** : oooooooo

 

 **GBPP** : You all better not cause any trouble

 

 **underoos** : okay!!!

 

 **GBPP** : Clint, if I find out that you managed to track down peter and meet up with him

 

 **GBPP** : 1) you both are in big trouble, 2) im closing all the vents again

 

 **vent rat** : G A S P

 

 **vent rat** : you wouldnt d a r e

 

 **GBPP** : I would, you lil trashbag

 

 **underoos** : thats not nice!!!

 

 **underoos** : and also why would i also get in trouble???

 

 **GBPP** : because i know for a fact that you two would totally find some way to prank me

 

 **underoos** : fair enough :((

 

 **vent rat** : what if we do it not on you

 

 **GBPP** : still no

 

 **vent rat** : dont be a buzzkill

 

 **GBPP** : im sure the only buzzkill here is cap

 

 **Capcicle** : What?

 

 **Capcicle** : I never did anything and now suddenly I'm targeted.

 

 **GBPP** : Exactly!!

 

 **underoos** : ????? 

 

 **GBPP** : anyways

 

 **GBPP** : you two better be on your best behavior

 

 **GBPP** : or else

 

 **vent rat** : or else what?

 

 **GBPP** : ...

 

**[ (8:04) GBPP is now offline]**

 

 **vent rat** : that's what i thought bitch

 

 **underoos** : a nYWAYS

 

 **underoos** : i gtg

 

 **vent rat** : nooooooo

 

 **underoos** : i have to :<

 

 **underoos** : im hanging out with my best friends

 

 **underoos** : one of them is glaring at me for being on my phone

 

 **vent rat** : whoops, better go then

 

 **underoos** : but didnt you want me to stay??

 

 **vent rat** : trust me kid

 

 **vent rat** : if ur friend's the glary type, you better get off rn

 

 **underoos** : ???

 

 **vent rat** : trust me, i have self experience

 

 **vent rat** : you dont want to know what happens when you dont get off

 

 **underoos** : im staying on

 

 **vent rat** : kid n o

 

 **underoos** : what?/fnyeuiwnofyuenfenunfe

 

 **underoos** : feuwisnfueinuein,fnie

 

 **vent rat** : oh my god he ded

 

**[ (8:14) Natasha is now online]**

 

 **vent rat** : s h i t

 

**[ (8:15) vent rat is now offline]**

 

 **Natasha** : Idiots.

 

**[ (8:15) Nastaha is now offline]**

 

 

 

**[ (8:17) underoos is now offline]**

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW; harsh and sensitive topics

**M[Decathlon Team]**

 

**[ (3:23 AM) yeeter has logged on]**

 

 **yeeter** : peter parker is a lil bitch

 

 **yeeter** : and he likes dickfoemwfiweofeuwnfei

 

 **yeeter** : rnuewoinfueiwnfeifh

 

 **yeeter** : FUCK

 

**[ (3:24 AM) yeeter has logged off]**

 

 

 

**[ (7:31 AM) guyinthechair, only my friends call me MJ, 16th president, Betty, and fastestman has logged on]**

 

 **guyinthechair** : PETER WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **guyinthechair** : I THOUGHT YOU WENT TO SLEEP AT 12

 

 **fastestman** : what the singular fuck

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : mind your fucking language you fucks

 

 **16th president** : is no one talking about the fact that Peter swore and I'm assuming that someone else had his phone bc no one else would honestly call him a lil b*tch???

 

 **Betty** : Why did you censor 'bitch'??

 

 **16th president** : because it's a fucking bad word.

 

 **guyinthechair** : valid

 

 **guyinthechair** : BUT SERIOUSLY

 

 **guyinthechair** : PARKER WHAT THE SHIT

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : thats what he said

 

 **guyinthechair** : MJ NOT YOU TOO

 

 **fastestman** : ?????

 

 **fastestman** : i dont get it

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : of course you don't.

 

**[ (7:37 AM) yeeter is now online]**

 

 **yeeter** : i can explain,,,

 

 **guyinthechair** : you better do

 

 **yeeter** : i was out

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : with?

 

 **fastestman** : Parker has a date?

 

 **fastestman** : what the shit

 

 **fastestman** : like who would get with him?

 

 **yeeter** : stfu flash

 

 **yeeter** : anyways

 

 **yeeter** : i was out with no one

 

 **guyinthechair** : than explain the text at 3 am

 

 **yeeter** : uh

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : I have a feeling I know who it is

 

 **yeeter** : mj dont

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ;)

 

 **yeeter** : IT WAS ONE T I M E

 

 **guyinthechair** : oh my god please dont tell me you two got freaky

 

 **16th president** : DJSKJDSKNDJSKDND

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ew

 

 **yeeter** : NED.

 

 **yeeter** : NO.

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : i would never

 

 **fastestman** : thank god

 

 **yeeter** : I see her more like a sister wtf

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : awww

 

 **yeeter** : stfu

 

 **guyinthechair** : 1) then what was the 'one time'??? 2) who is it???

 

 **yeeter** : 1) im not telling you 2) you'll see soon

 

 **Betty** : why so inconspicuous?

 

 **yeeter** : I literally have not seen that word been used like that before, only in textbooks

 

 

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ned come over ill tell you

 

 **yeeter** : DONT YOU DARE

 

 **guyinthechair** : okay

 

 **yeeter** : :<

 

 **fastestman** : stop being such a crybaby

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : hey how about you stop being just a dick for once

 

 **fastestman** : you let Penis off the hook so many times and the one time I actually call him out, you’re suddenly on my ass

 

 **fastestman** : if anything he should be six feet under right now

 

 **guyinthechair** : WOAH

 

 **guyinthechair** : UNCALLED FOR

 

 **fastestman** : shut it, fatso

 

 **yeeter** : guys please stop

 

 **fastestman** : and don't even get me started on the lies

 

 **fastestman** : an internship in stark industries??

 

 **fastestman** : seriously??

 

 **16th president** : Flash, this is going overboard

 

 **fastestman** : I bet you wouldn't even get as high as a janitor

 

 **fastestman** : and I'm pretty sure you couldn't even fucking afford it either

 

 **yeeter** : flash stop

 

 **fastestman** : aw did I hit a soft spot?

 

 **fastestman** : oh grow the fuck up

 

 **fastestman** : we don't need anymore pity stories anymore

 

 **fastestman** : first you lost your parents and now your uncle?

 

 **fastestman** : what a shit story

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Everyone, say bye to Flash right now.

 

 **fastestman** : ???

 

 **Betty** : kicking him won't do anything

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : oh I'm not kicking him

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ;)

 

 **guyinthechair** : uh oh

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Peter, be sure to call him again at night

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : we're here for you

 

**[ (8:33 AM) yeeter is now offline]**

 

 **guyinthechair** : wait what??

 

 **guyinthechair** : call who again?

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : don't worry

 

 **guyinthechair** : is it Mr stark??

 

 **fastestman** : oh come on! it was just a joke

 

 **Betty** : that didn't seem like a fucking joke.

 

 **16th president** : woah!! Betty bringing out the language

 

 **fastestman** : I doubt you guys can actually do anything

 

 

**[ (8:37 AM) Harrington is now online]**

 

 **Harrington** : They can't

 

 **Harrington** : But I can.

 

 **fastestman** : shit.

 

 **Harrington** : Arrive at the Main Office on Monday. Sharp.

 

 **Harrington** : The principal, vice-principal, counselor and I will be waiting for you there.

 

 **Harrington** : Rest of you; make sure Peter is alright.

 

**[ (8:40 AM) Harrington and fastestman is now offline]**

 

 **16th president** : Is Peter going to be okay???

 

 **guyinthechair** : I don't know

 

 **guyinthechair** : I've tried calling him several times now and he's not responding

 

 **Betty** : Don't worry, we'll see him on Monday, right??

 

 **Betty** : It's Saturday

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : I called someone to help Peter.

 

 **guyinthechair** : Is it Mr stark??

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : No but he can help him better than Tony

 

 **16th president** : Wait, he actually knows THE Tony Stark??

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : oh It's more than real

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : They're like father and son

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : I'll send you some pics but now is not the time

 

 **guyinthechair** : you have pics??

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : May sent them to me

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : but that doesn't matter rn

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Ned, I need you to call him and tell him to go to the destination I just sent him

 

 **guyinthechair** : okay???

 

 **Betty** : destination??? 

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Trust me, I know what I'm doing

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Peter might hate me for this but

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : I was serious when I said to say bye to Flash

 

 **16th president** : what???

 

 **16th president** : what's going to happen to him?

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : I don't exactly know what's going to happen but all hell is going to break loose

 

 **Betty** : this is the only time I'm scared for Flash

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : You should be.

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : I'm too tired for this shit.

 

 **guyinthechair** : I think I know who you called

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Good.

  

 **16th president** : who did she call?

 

 **guyinthechair** : I can't tell you, she's going to kill me if I do. Or he will.

 

 **Betty** : who???

 

 **guyinthechair** : Peter's friend

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : oh they're much closer than friends.

 

 **guyinthechair** : wait really ???

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : yep

 

 **16th president** : I have no clue who you're talking about.

 

 **guyinthechair** : I'm heading over to Peter's house. See you all later.

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Same. He probably won't be there though.

 

 **Betty** : Alright, tell him I stand by him and we have his side!

 

 **guyinthechair** : I'll be sure to tell him that.

 

 **Betty** : Also tell him that Harrington totally wrecked Flash! He got what he deserved!

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Oh, honey you don't know what's coming next.

 

 **16th president** : >_>

 

 **guyinthechair** : I gtg. I'm here at his door.

 

 **guyinthechair** : Bye!!

 

**[ (9:34 AM) guyinthechair is now offline]**

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : same with me

 

**[ (9:35 AM) only my friends call me MJ]**

 

 **Betty** : Do you think Peter will be okay?

 

 **16th president** : I don't know but I really hope he will

 

 **Betty** : Flash had no rights to do that to him!

 

 **16th president** : Harrington already got to him but I'm scared of what Michelle will do to him.

 

 **Betty** : Same,,,,

 

 **Betty** : We should get offline now

 

 **16th president** : yeah

 

**[ (9:41 AM) Betty and** **16th** **president has logged off]**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**[ (11:43 PM) yeeter has logged on]**

 

 **yeeter** : Michelle Jones.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fridge: wait
> 
> fridge: WAS THAT THE LITTLE SHIT WHO CAUGHT MY PuNCH
> 
> GBPP: HE WHAT NOW
> 
> roady: ????????
> 
> fridge: I SWUNG AT HIM FULL FORCE AND HE CAUGHT IT LIKE IT WAS N O T HI N G
> 
> fridge: AND HE HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY
> 
> fridge: 'woah you have a metal arm? thats so cool'
> 
> fridge: IN THE HIGHEST-FUCKING-PITCHED VOICE EVER

**[I'm bored]**

 

**[ (10:24 PM) GBPP has logged on]**

 

 **GBPP** : kid where are you

 

 **GBPP** : Parker, where are you?? fuck im worried

 

**[ (10: 25 PM) vent rat, Capsicle, fridge, and roady are now online]**

 

 **vent rat** : whats going on??

 

 **Capsicle** : Is Peter missing?

 

 **fridge** : wait, Who's peter?

 

 **roady** : one of the most sweetest kid you'll ever meet but now he's missing and Tony is panicking

 

 **GBPP** : You would be too if you were me

 

 **GBPP** : His best friend contacted me and told me that someone said some shit to him and it got to him badly

 

 **GBPP** : he wasn't at his apartment and his aunt hasn't seen him all day.

 

 **vent rat** : wait,,, aunt??

 

 **vent rat** : hes not your actual kid???

 

 **GBPP** : WHAT.

 

 **vent rat** : nothing

  

 **GBPP** : NO WAY YOU THOUGHT HE WAS MY ACTUAL KID

 

 **Capsicle** : To be fair, the way you two act is really similar to a father and son relationship.

 

 **GBPP** : THATS NOT TRUE???

 

 **fridge** : ??? I'm?? so confused???

 

 **roady** : tbh, you wouldnt mind if he was your son, tones

 

 **roady** : You even call him your kid during meetings

 

 **GBPP** : stfu

 

 **GBPP** : but at the same time

 

 **GBPP** : I'm currently scouring all over queens, trying to find him

 

 **Capsicle** : Is there any way we can help?

 

 **GBPP** : Uh

 

 **GBPP** : not really

 

 **GBPP** : but let me know if you see Spiderman anywhere

 

 **vent rat** : Why Spiderman??

 

 **fridge** : wait

 

 **fridge** : WAS THAT THE LITTLE SHIT WHO CAUGHT MY PuNCH

 

 **GBPP** : HE WHAT NOW

 

 **roady** : ????????

 

 **fridge** : I SWUNG AT HIM FULL FORCE AND HE CAUGHT IT LIKE IT WAS N O T HI  N G

 

 **fridge** : AND HE HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY

 

 **fridge** : 'woah you have a metal arm? thats so cool'

 

fridge: IN THE HIGHEST-FUCKING-PITCHED VOICE EVER

 

 **Capsicle** : Bucky! Language!

 

 **vent rat** : first of all

 

 **vent rat** : the contrast between bucky and cap is so scary

 

 **vent rat** : like theyre practically married couples at this point but they talk like complete opposites

 

 **roady** : true

 

 **fridge** : FUEIWNFUEWISNFUEISFE

 

 **GBPP** : Wait, i think I see peter??

 

 **GBPP** : brb

 

**[ (11:32 PM) GBPP is now offline]**

 

 **fridge** : so peter is like tony's kid but not??? biological????

 

 **roady** : basically sums it all up

 

 **Capsicle** : Also, didn't Tony call Spider-Man 'underoos' during Berlin?

 

 **vent rat** : yeah

 

 **vent rat** : wait

 

 **roady** : Clint.

 

 **vent rat** : no

 

 **vent rat** : NO

 

 **roady** : Tony will kill you

 

 **vent rat** : I STG

 

 **vent rat** : IF PETER IS SPIDERMAN

 

 **vent rat** : I WILL S C R E A M

 

 **fridge** : WHBAT

 

 **Capsicle** : Why will you scream?

 

 **roady:** bucky, please educate your husband

 

 **fridge** : HES NOT MY HUSBAND

 

 **Capsicle** : Not yet <3

 

 **roady** : honestly power move

 

 **vent rat** : YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO NOT KNOW A SINGLE SLANG BUT PROCEED TO DO T H A T??

 

 **vent rat** : i feel like steve is fucking with us all in one way or another

 

 **roady** : tbh same

 

**[ (11:39 PM) GBPP is now online]**

 

 **GBPP** : hes??? at wilsons???

 

 **vent rat** : wait SAM???

 

 **GBPP** : wait no not that wilson

 

 **GBPP** : Wilson, like Wade Wilson

 

 **roady** : who?

 

 **GBPP** : Deadpool

 

 **fridge** : WHAT IN THE WORLD

 

 **fridge** : WHY IS HE WITH DEADPOOL

 

 **Capsicle** : I am confused.

 

 **vent rat** : same

 

 **GBPP** : wait you know Deadpool??

 

 **fridge** : WHO DOESNT???

 

 **fridge** : He painted my arm black and stuck Star Wars magnets all over it when I was asleep at the park

 

 **roady** : Why were you asleep at the park??

 

 **fridge** : dont judge me

 

 **vent rat** : Was that why your arm looked darker than usual??

 

 **Capsicle** : Well, it certainly explains a lot.

 

 **vent rat** : <_<

 

 **GBPP** : alright

 

 **GBPP** : I haven't confronted peter or Wilson yet but I will make a move if I have to

 

 **GBPP** : he's on thin fucking ice

 

 **roady** : Wilson or Parker?

 

 **GBPP** : both for all I know

 

**[ (11:45 PM) birb is now online]**

 

 **birb** : Alright, I heard my name getting called at least five times what the fuck did i do

 

 **vent rat** : we didn't call you????

 

 **birb** : not directly but I heard Wilson being said so I assumed you guys were talking shit about me again

 

 **fridge** : ugh I wish

 

 **birb** : oh stfu you metal prick

 

 **Capsicle** : How did Tony suddenly get involved

 

 **vent rat** : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 **fridge** : thats my man :`)

 

 **GBPP** : I did nothing and suddenly now im involved??

 

 **roady** : How is Peter and Wade holding up?

 

 **birb** : wait, Wade? As in Wade fucking Wilson?

 

 **GBPP** : .... y e s ?

 

 **birb** : oh

 

 **birb** : explains a lot

 

 **Capsicle** : How does that explain a lot?

 

 **birb** : Peter told me a lot about Wade

 

 **GBPP** : Since when did you two talk??? and first of all why and how??????

 

 **birb** : I met him at the tower a few days back

 

 **vent rat** : oh yeah i saw him kick your ass at the gym

 

 **birb** : STFU

 

 **Capsicle** : Wait, you were the one who caused the dent in the wall??

 

 **birb** : u h

 

 **vent rat** : SKUFEINWUFWEISFei

 

 **GBPP** : anyways back to topic

 

 **GBPP** : what did Peter say about Wade???

 

 **birb** : He's the love of his life?? His crush????

 

 **GBPP** : PETER'S FUCKING W H A T

 

 **vent rat** : WHY THE FUCK

 

 **roady** : WHEN THE FUCK

 

 **fridge** : HOW THE FUCK

 

 **Capsicle** : ??????

 

 **Capsicle** : Language!

 

 **GBPP** : WELL I THINK THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME FOR LANGUAGE MR AMERICA

 

 **GBPP** : FIRST OF ALL WHY WOULD HE TELL YOU THAT??

 

 **birb** : He was talking to Wade on the phone and I asked who he was talking to and he turned to me and said 'a friend' and I swore I heard tears over on the speaker

 

 **GBPP** : OKAY BUT SECOND

 

 **GBPP** : WHY NOT ME?

 

 **birb** : I mean like

 

 **birb** : you would definitely kill Wade if you knew

 

 **vent rat** : Gotta say, that's a great reason

 

 **GBPP** : shit ive been yelling

 

 **GBPP** : shit shit shit

 

 **GBPP** : Peter definitely heard me

 

 **GBPP** : im blasting away

 

 **GBPP** : I'll be right back with you guys with another report on these two.

 

**[ (12:21 PM) GBPP is now offline]**

 

 **roady** : Now I'm just concerned why Wade fucking Wilson knows and supposedly close to Peter??

 

 **roady** : Peter's like the sweetest kid ever but now I'm just questioning his taste

 

 **vent rat** : s a m e

 

 **birb** : Every time I see Wilson, I swear i have a heart attack

 

 **fridge** : Both Wilsons are terrible. The End.

 

 **birb** : :(

 

**[ (12:24 PM) birb is now offline]**

 

 **roady** : now look at what you did

 

 **fridge** : I really don't care honestly

 

 **vent rat** : oof

 

 **fridge** : stfu

 

 **fridge** : I'm getting offline

 

 **vent rat** : same

 

 **roady** : I'm guessing we're all waiting for a report from Tony then?

 

 **fridge** : yep

 

 **roady** : Alright

 

 **[ (12:27 PM) roady, fridge** and **vent rat is now offline]**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> only my friends call me MJ: you gotta admit that was totally necessary
> 
> only my friends call me MJ: also
> 
> only my friends call me MJ: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> yeeter: E W W 
> 
> yeeter: ndusnuignreusgngrkngsr
> 
> yeeter: EDDIE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND THANK YOU VERY MUCH-

**[Decathlon Team]**

 

 

 

**[ (11:43 PM) yeeter has logged on]**

 

 **yeeter** : Michelle Jones.

 

**[ (1:44 PM) guyinthechair, only my friends call me MJ, 16th president, Betty, and has logged on]**

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : >>_>>

 

 **16th president** : Peter!! You're back

 

 **Betty** : Are you okay?!??

 

 **yeeter** : yeah but what the literal f u c k

 

 **yeeter** : you know they're actually going to kill Flash, right??

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : mmhm

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : wait I thought I called only Wade

 

 **guyinthechair** : FBUEWIBFNWEINFEISNIE WGHAT

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : oops

 

 **Betty** : Who's Wade? And why is it a big deal

 

 **guyinthechair** : YOU CALLED H I M??

 

 **16th president** : ?????

 

 **16th president** : whats going on??

 

 **yeeter** : AND IT WASNT JUST HIM EITHER

 

 **yeeter** : HE CALLED EDDIE AND F REAK I NG MATT

 

 **yeeter** : SKKSKKSKS THEY ALL MARCHED UP TO FLASh'S DOOR AND

 

 **yeeter** : THREATENED THE EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : you gotta admit that was totally necessary

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : also

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **yeeter** : E W W 

 

 **yeeter** : ndusnuignreusgngrkngsr

 

 **yeeter** : EDDIE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND THANK YOU VERY MUCH-

 

 **yeeter** : NFYEWUBNYFUNWIEUFNINE

 

 **yeeter** : THEY RECORDED A VIDEO OF IT TOO

 

 **guyinthechair** : no freakin way- I-

 

 **Betty** : send us the v i d e o

 

 **16th president** : this was a horrible idea but i agree with Betty

 

 **yeeter** : over my d  e a d body

 

 **yeeter** : oh shitsutkenurenruen 

 

 **Betty** : peter? peter??

 

 **Betty** : oh my fucking god hes ded

 

 **guyinthechair** : PETER???

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : *sips tea*

 

 **yeeter** : G A S P

 

 **yeeter** : WADE JUST sQUEEZED ME REALY TIGHTLY AND MUFFLED ME WITH HIS A R M

 

 **Betty** : fuensuninwsf,ewinfuiswnsif oh jeeze

 

 **Betty** : also, who is Wade?? Like for the last time

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : Peter's bf

 

 **guyinthechair** : MJ N O

 

 **yeeter** : stfu we're not public yet

 

 **yeeter** : ;)

 

 **16th president** : wh a t is g  o i ng o n

 

 **yeeter** : HOLY SHIT THAT WASNT ME THAT WAS WADE IM HIDING FROM HIM NOW-

 

 **Betty** : this entire goddamn chatroom is a mess

 

 **yeeter** : NUFEISNUFISEIF ALSO

 

 **yeeter** : WE'RE NOT DATING WHATSOEVER I SWEAR

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : okay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **yeeter** : MJ

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **yeeter** : Stop.

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **yeeter** : M J

 

 **guyinthechair** : skskksskss oof

 

 **Betty** : anyways you guys STILL havent answered my question

 

 **Betty** : who is wade??

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : we told you

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : he's Peter's bf

 

 **yeeter** : sometimes i feel like you only exist to torment me

 

 **guyinthechair** : wait hold on

 

 **guyinthechair** : are you with Wade right now??

 

 **yeeter** : ...yes?

 

 **guyinthechair** : oh okay,,, why did he squeeze you??

 

 **yeeter** : we were on the couch

 

 **16th president** : ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **yeeter** : GODDAMNIT NOT YOU TOO

 

 **yeeter** : aNYWAYS

 

 **yeeter** : Wade was holding me around the waist and uh

 

 **yeeter:i** thought he was sleeping but turns out he was reading the texts over my shoulders and once when i said 'over my dead body'

 

 **yeeter** : the red asshole just squeezed me tightly and whispered in my ear 'like im ever going to let you die'

 

 **guyinthechair** : oh my g o d

 

 **16th president** : okay but why red asshole???

 

 **guyinthechair** : shhhhhhh

 

 **Betty** : screw dating you guys just skipped to marriage

 

 **yeeter** : WHAT IS IT WITH THIS GROUP CHAT

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : we just like to see you tortured

 

 **yeeter** : then flash shouldve been the admin-

 

 **guyinthechair** : PETER N O

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : no

 

 **Betty** : no

 

 **16th president** : no

 

 **yeeter** : unrelated but wade just fucskin snuck behind me and whispered 'no' into my ear and i nearly punched him straight in my ear

 

 **Betty** : how is that unrelated?

 

 **yeeter** : it just is

 

 **guyinthechair** : skskssks also unrelated but you guys need to go to sleep

 

 **yeeter** : but theres no school tmr :((

 

 **guyinthechair** : S T I L L

 

 **Betty** : pl e a se ?

 

 **guyinthechair** : no means no

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : peter use your ultimate weapon

 

 **yeeter** : ૮(◕ฺω◕ฺ )ა

 

 **guyinthechair** : you know these don't work over text, right?

 

 **guyinthechair** : oh no hes facetiming me-

 

 **16th president** : honestly powermove

 

 **guyinthechair** : IM SERIOUS ABOUT GOING TO SLEEP GUYS

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : f i n e

 

 **Betty** : im sorry but,,,

 

 **Betty** : did the almighty michelle jones admit defeat to leeds??

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : eh, mostly because i am actually tired

 

 **yeeter** : lmao same

 

 **yeeter** : im already cuddling with Wade over here

 

 **16th president** : i can already feel the sappiness from here

 

 **yeeter** : FUENWFUEIWNFUENWUEI

 

 **Betty** : fine im going to sleep

 

 **guyinthechair** : y a y

 

 **16th president** : so night guys?

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : yep

 

 **16th president** : K

 

**[(12:58 AM) 16th president has logged off]**

 

 **Betty** : oh jeez its already past midnight?

 

 **yeeter** : you didnt know??

 

 **Betty** : usually i lose track of time easily

 

 **yeeter** : i mean s a m e

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : go to sleep you two

 

 **guyinthechair** : skskssk all of us should've gone to sleep a long time ago

 

 **yeeter** : yeah that wouldve been the case if S O M E O N E didnt call a certain S O M E O N E

 

 **yeeter** : -_-

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : what?? no one actually died and in the end, it all went well

 

 **yeeter** : okay but seriously-

 

 **yeeter** : next time don't call the quad

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : mmhm okay

 

 **yeeter** : M J

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : finee

 

 **Betty** : I'm going to sleep, night ya'll

 

**[(1:03 AM) Betty is now offline]**

 

 **guyinthechair** : did,,,, did she just say 'ya'll'??

 

 **yeeter** : yep

 

 **yeeter** ; im going to sleep

 

 **yeeter** : MJ we're going to have a talk tmr

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : m'kay

 

 **guyinthechair** : alright

 

 **guyinthechair** : gnight

 

 **yeeter** : <3

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : holy shit you two just fucking s l e e p

 

 **yeeter** : OKAY FINE JEEZ-

 

**[(1:05 AM) yeeter and guyinthechair is now offline]**

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : ,,,,

 

 **only my friends call me MJ** : idiots <3

 

**[(1:06 AM) only my friends call me MJ is now offline]**

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be a bit different!
> 
> This happened between chapter 4 and 6 while chapter 5 is going on
> 
> Also a new format too!

Peter dropped the phone and dropped back, his breath quickening as he tried to recollect himself. May had gone out for a trip with a friend and Peter didn't feel like annoying her with his problems. He knew that Mr. Stark was open too but he didn't want to confront the father-figure with Flash, knowing that it'll probably go out much worse than necessary.

Once, Peter slipped up and mentioned Flash and Mr. Stark went absolutely ham on him and god knows that Peter didn't need a repeat of that.

 

He remembered a technique his old therapist had taught him, something about a breathing pattern. Peter tried to follow but it just wasn't working as intended to. His breathing got calmer but that didn't stop the teardrops rolling down his cheeks.

 

Then, his phone rang with another notification. Peter was confused. He muted the group chat, or was this just Flash messaging him privately? Hesitantly, Peter peeked over at the screen.

 

It was a set of coordinates from MJ.

 

And right then and there, three things happened simultaneously.

 

1\. Peter recognized the coordinates immediately.

2\. He made a mental note on having a private talk with MJ for even knowing the place.

3\. He raced to the closet and grabbed his suit, scrambling to put it on.

 

And before he knew it, he was out the window.

 

 

 

/////

 

 

Peter was thankful as hell that it was a quiet night. He really needed this. But seriously- how the hell did MJ get his coordinates?

 

The city was windy and cold. Usually going out as Spider-Man made Peter a lot better after a rough day but it just didn't seem like the case today. He was beyond tired. But as he looked down at the streets from the high view, thoughts started to form into his mind.

 

 

 

 

May didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve to have someone like Peter weighing her down all the time, neither did Mr. Stark or Happy. They deserved someone better than Peter.

 

He was too much of a burden to carry on anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sure, Flash wasn't able to hurt him physically. The small shoves and punches did ache but they would always disappear the next day.  _Always_. But it wasn't the same for mental insults. There was this one quote that Peter barely remembered, something about words hurting much more than physical pain.

 

 

 

**_if anything he should be six feet under right now_ **

 

 

For the first time ever, Peter admitted Flash was right. He should be six feet under. He should've been dead instead of Ben. If he hadn't fought with his fucking uncle then none of this would've ever happened in the first place.

It was his fault that Ben had died. He had the ability to stop it all, he had the choice given right into his hands and he just threw it away.

 

All.

His.

Fault.

 

 

 

**_and I'm pretty sure you couldn't even fucking afford it either_ **

 

That one had hit close to home. Peter always knew that May had financing problems, especially after Ben's abrupt death and even if she worked extra hours, she would always find herself short in some cents.

And with Peter's extra metabolism after the Bite, he knew that pressure on her shoulder had increased.

 

He was such a burden.

 

 

 

 

_**and don't even get me started on the lies** _

__

_**an internship in stark industries??** _

__

_**seriously??** _

 

 

He didn't deserve Mr. Stark, in fact. He didn't deserve the title of 'Spider-Man'. Mr. Stark was the one who gave him it all, he was the one who gave him the suit and the one who convinced May to let him out on patrols. Mr. Stark was the reason Spider-Man was a thing. He was the one who kept him safe.

Peter kept on remembering all of those 'family' nights where May and Pepper would drop in at the compound and they would all eat dinner together.

 

But memories of Homecoming kept coming back to him.

 

Mr. Stark gave him everything he had and Peter just threw it all away.

 

 

_I'm so sorry, Ben_

_I'm so sorry, May_

_I'm so sorry, Mr. Stark_

 

 

 

 

 

Peter Parker isn't Spider-Man

Peter Parker is just a nerd.

 

Spider-Man is all they ever want from him.

He's the hero in this story.

 

The only reason they kept him around was-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, Petey! At least come in, would ya?! It's awfully cold outside and I can practically hear you angsting out there! Also, I got a gift for you!"

 

Peter didn't even notice he had landed on the safe house's roof and silently ranting to himself while walking in circles until the ex-merc snapped him out of it. Silently, he crawled into the room, shivering heavily as he did. Once he got in, however, he was immediately showered by warm heat and a blanket was tossed on him.

Peter looked up at Wade who was sitting on a couch. The man had a grey hoodie and was wearing his mask. He patted the spot right next to him and wiggled his eyebrows. Peter let out a soft snort before walking over, wrapping the blanket around him to form a small blanket burrito.

"There's the fabulous ass I've been waiting to see all day!" He exclaimed loudly. Peter blushed heavily and he gave Wade's head a soft whack.

 

"Ow! I thought Spider-Man didn't hurt innocent civilians!" Wade squealed. The brunette only rolled his eyes in response and tore his mask off. Wade quieted immediately and wrapped his arms around Peter. "You alright, baby boy? You're awfully quiet today." He said.

Peter only shook his head and buried his head into Wade's chest, wrapping his arms around him softly. The ex-merc coed softly and patted his back gently, nuzzling the boy. "I'm here, Spidey, I'm here." He whispered.

 

"...Bad day," Peter replied, looking up at Wade. "needed someone."

 

Wade nodded slowly and peeled his mask off his face. "I understand," He said, pulling Peter closer. The two just held each other right then and there, finding comfort in each other. Eventually, Peter felt most of the stress just melt away right then and there.

 

"Do you wanna talk about it or a distraction?" There was a slight tint to Wade's voice as he spoke. Peter shook his head. "You mentioned something about a gift," Peter mumbled into his chest.

 

Wade suddenly let out a sound that was like a crossbreed between a hyena and a chihuahua. Peter jolted up and looked up at him in deep confusion. "What?" He asked. The man didn't stop laughing until five minutes later when all that came out was wheezing.

"OH BABY BOY! Thought you'd never ask!" Wade shouted with glee. "You won't ever believe what happened!" He gave Peter one of his infamous giant grins before walking over to a table, letting Peter sink back into his blanket burrito in confusion. 

 

"So, today I decided to give both Matty boy and our great pal Eddie a visit and we both made you a gift because a certain little bird told us that you were down and we wanted you to see this," Wade explained. "And I never tasted revenge so sweet."

 

At the back of his mind, Peter knew exactly what he was talking about.

 

 

 

"Wade."

"Yes, baby boy?"

"Did you kill him?!"

"What? No! Absolutely not!"

"...I don't trust that tone."

 

"Ugh! Just watch the video," Wade said as he picked up a tape from the table and slid it into the giant magical TV that came out of nowhere (Peter didn't remember how or when it got there), and pressed play on the remote.

 

"...Oh god..." Peter whispered in deep deep dread.

 

 

 

Peter recognized Flash's house right off the bat. The footage seemed to be security cameras. Then, he saw it all play out right then and there.

 

 

 

_A limo drove up to Flash's door and out stepped Eddie dressed in a suit with a fake flashy wig. He walked to the house's porch and knocked on the door three times._

 

_After a while, Flash's father answered the door and Eddie immediately sprang into action. "Congratulations! Your son has won a seat for the Stark Internship! Now, would you please let us have a private conversation?" He asked in the most chippy voice Peter has ever heard._

_His father broke out in a wide grin as he turned around and called Flash's name and moments later, the boy himself comes bounding outside with the biggest and cockiest grin on his face. "I can't wait to show Penis Parker tomorrow," he mutters._

_Instantly Eddie tensed up. "Nice to meet you, young sir. Can we have a private chat for just a moment, with your father's permission?" He asks, looking up at the father who nods rapidly._

_After the door is shut, they walk a bit down the block and instantly, that's when shit hits the fan._

 

_V covers Eddie's entire body and they turn around as Venom, glaring down at the small boy in front of them, jaws unhinged and drool seeping out._

 

For a slight moment, Peter thought they were going to kill the boy right then and there.

 

_And from behind Flash's back, he can see Matt in his full Daredevil suit as well as Wade in his own suit respectively. They both creep up behind the boy and when Wade clears his throat, Flash absolutely looks like he's going to shit himself._

 

_Wade pulls out one of his katanas and holds it up to Flash's neck._

 

Peter gives Wade a side glare but the man just shrugs and points at the screen.

 

_"Listen up, shitcakes. We're going to give you only one and final option before I decapitate your head off and feed it to that black sludge (Venom makes a small hissing noise) so listen carefully." He snarls, his white lenses narrowing. "You got that?"_

_Flash doesn't even fucking blink._

_"I said you got that?" Wade holds his katana even closer to Flash's neck, his eyes narrowing even further. "And that guy right there has the power to make everything look like a tiny accident." He points back to Matt who just crosses his arm and gives Flash the DisappointedGlare™._

 

Peter has been under the influence of that glare and from personal experience, its the worst feeling  _ever_.

It felt like kicking a  _golden retriever_.

 

_"I-I got it. Please! I don't know what I did wrong! Don't kill me, please!" Flash cried out loud, his eyes widening and legs crossing like he just pissed himself._

_"Give you one choice and one choice only." Wade pulled back his katana and looks Flash in the eye. "Apologize to Peter Parker, stop calling him 'Penis' Parker out of all things and leave him the fuck alone and if we ever hear that you're giving him shit ever again-"_

 

_He drags a finger across his neck. "The black sludge is going to have a fine snack." He ended off._

 

_"Ya got that?"_

 

_Flash nods repeatedly. "Answer me, verbally," Wade demanded._

_"Y-Yes..." The boy stutters out. In a single swift movement, Wade pulls back and slides his katana back into the case. "I want to also hear you say it out loud. Oh, we're recording by the way-"_

_"What?! You're recording?!" Flash finally shouted. "Also- I won't say it out-"_

 

_The katana was held to his neck again._

 

_"O-Okay! Fine!" Flash tossed his hands up into the air. "I-I'll apologize to Peter Parker and I-I'll leave him alone! I won't call him Penis Parker ever again! J-Just leave me alone!" He shrieked._

 

_Wade pulled back his katana. "There, all better." He mused. Daredevil rolled his eyes and elbowed him. "That absolutely wasn't part of the plan." He hissed. Wade shrugged. "It was necessary." He said._

 

At that instance, the clip ended and Peter was stuck staring at the empty screen with his jaws open.

 

"He totally deserved it," He heard Wade say to himself, or more rather the Boxes. "I know threatening kids is bad but he called Spidey 'Penis' Parker!" Wade huffed and slapped himself in the forehead. "What do you mean? That totally justifies my reason!-"

 

 

 

 

"Wade Wilson."

 

The man froze and turned to face Peter, looking him in the eye. "...Yeesss....?" He answered. Peter sighed and facepalmed. "That was so cruel," He said. "But I gotta admit, that... was a bit funny.

Wade's face extended to a giant smile. "I'm glad, baby boy. And also let me know if he does anything else or if he doesn't apologize." He said. Peter chuckled softly. "He doesn't need to apologize. Y'know you didn't have to do any of that, right?" He said.

"I know, I didn't need to, I  _wanted_ to," Wade said, sitting down by Peter and pulling him closer. "Every single one of us wanted to, Petey. You're special to me, and all of us. It's the best we can do," He said. "We would do  _anything_ for you."

Peter buried his head into his chest. "You guys are already enough for me by simply being there," He said. Wade chuckled and ruffled his hair, causing the boy to purr softly. "Aw, baby boy." He chuckled, holding the boy tightly.

 

"I meant what I said. We would do absolutely anything for you." Wade murmured, running his hand through Peter's hair. "Team Red and Danger Gays." He chuckled.

"We're already all teaming up together, we should do like a team of all four." Peter turned to his side. "...How does... Quadruple Trouble sound?" He asked.

 

Wade stared at him for a straight full minute before snickering. "Terrible, I love it." He said. Peter felt a slight blush cover his cheeks and curled up on himself. "Come on, Petey Pie!" Wade laughed, wrapping his arms around him tighter.

 

 

 

"To give you credit, it wasn't  _that_ bad."

 

"I hate you,"

 

"I know you mean love!"

 

 

 

 

 

/////

**EXTRA**

/////

 

"Petey?"

 

"Mmhm?"

 

"Why do you stick around me?"

 

"Is that an actual question or a pun?"

 

"Uh... Both??"

 

"You're one of my best friends, Wade."

 

"You gotta be kidding."

 

"Nope."

 

"It's hard to be friends with a merc, baby boy."

 

" _Ex_ -Merc, you're doing much better now. I'm so proud of you for that."

 

"Aw, you're giving me too much credit."

 

"I mean it, Wade."

 

"Shhhhh, the tiredness is making you delusional."

 

"Yeah, we should go to sleep so I can prove my point twice in the morning-"

 

"I already get it! Now, go to sleep. it's like 3 am. Shh."

 

"Night, Wadepool."

 

"Night, Baby Boy."

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mattew Murdock: Why do you think I invite you and Wade over constantly?
> 
> Yeeter Yarker: ,,,
> 
> Yeeter Yarker: u h
> 
> Yeeter Yarker: I always thought it was because you were taking pity on us.
> 
> Mattew Murdock: PETER.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay-  
> quickly to establish some things.
> 
> The relationship between all the members in Danger Gays and Team Red are platonic, and that especially applies to Peter and Wade but I will include the fact that they are the closest together.
> 
> I mean like Peter's the closest to everyone but he's closest to Wade.
> 
> (eventual spideypool however-)
> 
> so thats all!
> 
> HAVE SOME TEAM RED FLUFF
> 
>  
> 
> ((sorry for short chapter))

 

**[4:23 PM]**

 

**[Mattew Murdock >> Yeeter Yarker]**

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Hey, Wade told me what happened. You okay, kiddo?

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : A lot better now

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : both Wade and Mr Stark forced me to take a full week off school and

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Alright, that's good. I'm glad they had you take a week off school.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : But that wasn't necessary!

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Mmhm, yep. Heard you loud and clear.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I don't like that tone,,,

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Anyways, is there anyone else we need to threaten?

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Please don't! It's okay!! 

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I'm used to it all now lmao

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : That literally doesn't make it better whatsoever.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : w e l l

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Peter.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : stop giving me the JudgementalStare™

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I can feel it all the way from here

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Y'know we're always here for you, right?

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I know but I'm supposed to be Spider-Man!! I need to be strong!

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : I know that you know that and you are Spider-Man but that doesn't mean you have to do this alone.

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Even I need help every now and then, it doesn't even have to do anything with our alter egos either.

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : It's kinda embarrassing to admit but things get lonely quickly and Team Red is kinda the only social life I have that I actually enjoy.

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : Why do you think I invite you and Wade over constantly?

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : ,,,

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : u h

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I always thought it was because you were taking pity on us.

 

 **Mattew Murdock** : PETER.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : What??

 

 **Matthew Murdock** : That's so far from the truth.

 

 **Matthew Murdock** : Pete. You're one of the most important people in my life.

 

 **Matthew Murdock** : This whole Team Red thing isn't just a gag to me. It's practically an extended family now.

 

 **Matthew Murdock** : And if you think otherwise, I swear I will actually come over there and punch you.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I think otherwise.

 

 **Matthew Murdock** : Fine, have it your way.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : oh my g o d matt im sorry

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** :

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Matt?

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : WAIT MATT

 

 **Matthew Murdock** : Too late.

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : HOLD ON DONT GO

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I NEED TO WARN YOU

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : WADE'S WITH ME HES GOING TO K I L L YOU

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I JUST HEARD THE WINDOW OPEN OH MYG OD MATT NO

 

 

**/////**

 

**[Team Red]**

 

 **daddy** : oKAY w o w HOW DARE YOU ATTACK ME IN MY OWN H O M E

 

 **Killjoy** : I didn't know you were in there.

 

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : I TRIED TO WARN YOU BUT nOOOooOOOooo\

 

 **Killjoy** : You should've told me earlier. I didn't expect Wade to just shriek and throw a cup at me.

  

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : I DID TRY TO WARN YOU BUT YOU DIDNT  L I S T E N

 

 **daddy** : OH SURE

 

 **daddy** : WHEN YOU SEE A DARK RED FIGURE CRAWL INTO YOUR HOUSE THROUGH YOUR WINDOW WITH HORNS ON ITS HEAD

 

 **daddy** : WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO???

 

 **Killjoy** : Wade, we've been fighting for like literally a year and a half. By now, you should've recognized my costume.

 

 **daddy** : IT WAS REALLY DARK OKAY

 

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : IRRELEVANT BUT WHO CHANGED MY NAME??

 

 **Killjoy** : Do you even need to ask to know?

 

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : good point

 

 **daddy** : THIS IS CYBERBULLYING

 

 **Killjoy** : Wade, your name is literally 'daddy' and you constantly point out Peter's ass.

 

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : why did you make him a moderator??

 

 **Killjoy** : I don't remember why but now I regret that decision.

 

 **daddy** : I like how we're all just texting even though we're obviously right next to each other

 

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : a h e m we're on opposite sides of the couch

 

 **Killjoy** : Uh, there's three of us.

 

 **daddy** : SHUT UP YOU HAVE PETER ON YOUR SIDE

 

 **daddy** : YOURE LITERALLY RUNNING YOUR HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR

 

 **Killjoy** : What do you mean??

 

**[daddy has sent the following image:[I_know_youre_lying_you_fucking_prick.jpg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)]**

**Princess Bubblebutt** : nice photoshop skills

 

 **daddy** : :<<

 

 **Princess Bubblebutt** aw don't cry

  

 **Princess Bubblebutt** : change my name and ill come over to your side

 

 **Killjoy** : Peter, please don't leave me.

 

 **Killjoy** : After all we went through.

 

 **Petey Pie** : im sorry Matt

 

 **Petey Pie** : oh my god he actually changed it skskksks

 

 **daddy** : my arms are wide open, baby boy

 

 **daddy** : c'here

 

 **Petey Pie** : im so sorry matt but i must go

 

 **Killjoy** : Peter, no.

 

 **Petey Pie** : "Too late" -Matt

 

 **daddy** : oh my god pete-

 

 **daddy** : also

 

 **daddy** : im sorry but i cant stand reading all of Matt's text as like that narrator voice from Spongebob that goes '1 hour later'

 

 **daddy:**  P.S. they should also make it a feature so that its all caps

 

 **daddy:** P.S.S. its kinda weird hearing our own texts repeated back to us like a goddamn echo

 

 

**///**

 

Matt looks straight at Wade, his eyebrows furrowed into a glare-like state. The said-man pulled away from his phone and shot him a cocky look. "What?" He said, failing to keep his manly giggles from seeping into his voice.

 

"You do realize I'm blind, right? And I have to use a speech to text converter?" Matt said bluntly. "It's always that way."

 

Wade shrugged. "I know but when we were fighting earlier, it looked so weird when you were just replying with lowercase and actual grammar and those dots and stuff." Peter frowned swatted at his arm. "You mean punctuation, Wade?" He chuckled.

 

"That's the bitch," Wade chuckled.

 

Matt knelt down and tossed his shoe at Wade, ignoring his cry of 'ow!'. "No cussing in front of the baby-spider." He mused. Peter widened his eyes. "Hey! I'm nearly 18!" He squealed. Wade let out a loose laugh and wrapped his arms around him. "Shhhhh, you're not allowed to grow up."

Matt rolled his eyes and laid back on the couch. "God, this suit is so uncomfortable." He groaned. "Then change out of it, I'm sure Wade has some extra clothes for you," Peter said. Wade leaned forward and snaked his arms into Peter's armpits, causing him to yelp and squeak loudly.

"Stop assuming I have everything. You already have that Irondad hovering around you like a helicopter parent." Wade chuckled, holding Peter close to his chest. Peter rolled his eyes. "Y'know he isn't my actual parent, right? That honor goes to May." He said. "She's like my mom but Mr. Stark... He's kinda like my dad."

 

"I'm just going to ignore what you just said," Wade said. "After all, aren't I your dadd-"

 

 

 

Another shoe was thrown at Wade.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**[A for Adam, B for Bitches]**

 

**[(11:23 PM) uwu spiders uwu has logged on]**

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : what the fu ck k

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : sksksksks

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : okay so apparently Wade has a daughter named ellie and she?? called me uncle Spidey???

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : damnit im crying

 

**[(11:23 PM) devilhorns and alien is now online]**

 

 **devilhorns** : I'm sorry, he has a what?

 

 **alien** : NFUEIWNFEISNFEINEIUN

 

 **alien** : no fycking w a y

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : yeah i think I'm crying

 

 **devilhorns** : Also, can you guys please don't mistype stuff on purpose.

 

 **devilhorns** : It gets super confusing when the text-to-speech try to pronounce these words out loud

 

 **alien** : oh my g o d

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : sowwy

 

 **devilhorns** : Guys.

  

 **uwu spiders uwu** : also is it stupid for me to get this emotional over it?

 

 **alien** : Nope, I held a puppy the other day and V was sobbing inside of my head.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : a w w

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : no but seriously??

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Ellie was so adorable and I love her so much like?? oh my go d

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : She's absolutely amazing

 

 **devilhorns** : Off topic but, Peter?

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Yes?

 

 **devilhorns** : Why are you even awake? Isn't your curfew, like, 10?

 

 **alien** : Yeah, Peter.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : hhhhhhhhh

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : shhhhhh dont tell anyone

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : just this once, please guys

 

 **devilhorns** : .

 

 **devilhorns** : Fine.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : yayyyy

 

 **alien** : too late, I already see Stark bolting out of the tower like a flaming arrow.

 

 **alien** : GL kiddo

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : shSHISHITSHITSHITSHIT

 

 **alien** : I'm guessing you already saw him by the time you saw that text?

 

 **devilhorns** : What is even happening anymore?

 

 **alien** : dunno

 

 **alien** : also can you please babysit the Symbiote kids??

 

 **devilhorns** : I'm sorry but the what now?

 

 **alien** : ,,,

 

 **alien** : So it turns out that V can have children,,,

 

 **devilhorns** : That's implying that he can have more than one.

 

 **alien** : That's why I said 'kids' you blind idiot

 

 **devilhorns** : Also.

 

 **devilhorns** : You said it yourself.

 

 **devilhorns** : I'm blind, you idiot.

 

 **devil horn** : and

 

 **alien** : Matt?

 

 **alien** : Matt??

 

 **alien** : i stg this conversation isn't over

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : that just radiates passive anger holy shit

 

 **alien** : Peter I thought Iron Man was roasting your ass.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : yeah but I ran away from him

 

 **devilhorns** : Peter, you literally crashed into my apartment and broke the goddamn window.

 

 **devilhorns** : AGAIN.

 

 **devilhorns** : And you still have to pay me for that last one.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : I said I would!!

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : also oops?

 

 **alien** : you two are such dumbasses

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : hey!!

 

 **devilhorns** : correction: Peter is the only one

 

 **alien** : seconded

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Eddie, I will babysit your kids if you switch sides

 

 **alien** : Nevermind, Murdock is the biggest idiot of us all.

 

 **devilhorns** : I feel so betrayed right now.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Also, V can have children??

 

 **aliens** : y e s ? ?

 

 **aliens** : I really don't know the science behind it and I don't think I even want to remotely know

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : mpreg vore fics

 

 **devilhorns** : That's the thing that I never wanted to hear in my life

 

 **devilhorns** : Like ever.

 

 **devilhorns** : Also why is pregnancy the surrounding topic of this conversation?

 

 **aliens** : IDK

 

 **devilhorns** : Like no one in this chat except for maybe Eddie, can get pregnant

 

 **devilhorns** : We're all males.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : a c tu a l l y

 

 **devilhorns** : Peter.

 

 **devilhorns** : I swear to god.

 

 **aliens** : ??

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : I can get pregnant.

 

 **aliens** : WHAT THE F U C K

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : OH SHGIT MATT IS GIVING ME T H E LOOK

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : MATT STOP

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : IM GONNA CRY

 

 **devilhorns** : Peter. Parker.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **aliens** : NO FUCK THAT CAN YOU ACTUALLY GET PREGNANT

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : N O  I WAS KIDDING

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : WAIT YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT??

 

 **aliens** : CONSIDERING ALL THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPeNED SO FAR

 

 **aliens** : Y ES

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : eddie what the f u c k

 

 **aliens** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

 **devilhorns** : You two are permanently dead to me.

 

 **aliens** : hhhhhhh and Peter

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : ye?

 

 **aliens** : Are you even available to take care of the kids?? You don't have to btw

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : yeah

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Ned and MJ will be over while May's gone for a vacation so they can help me.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Summer vacation is also coming up so that's fun.

 

 **devilhorns** : Is MJ the angry girl who threw that chair at you last Friday?

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : shhhhhhh we don't talk about that

 

 **aliens** : Alright, that'll be it

 

 **aliens** : Thanks a lot, Pete

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : np!!

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : But one question

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Why won't you be there to take care of them?

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Matt why are you humming

 

 **aliens** : Matt if you tell him, I'll staple Wade's dick to your door

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : JFC

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Matt's humming even louder

 

 **aliens** : Mu r d o c k.

 

 **devilhorns** : okay I won't tell

 

 **aliens** : Thank god

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Eddie when did your name become plural??

 

 **devilhorns** : Peter, what the hell does that mean.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : his name used to be 'alien' but?? now it's 'aliens'??

 

 **aliens** : *shrugs*

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Never in my life have I been so afraid in my life.

  

 **uwu spiders uwu** : skskksksks

 

 **devilhorns** : Alrighty then.

 

 **devilhorns** : I'm terribly sorry to have to do this Peter.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : ???

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : Matt??

 

 **devilhorns** : It's officially 12:23

 

 **devilhorns** : I'm phoning Tony

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : NO

 

 **aliens** : y e s s

 

 **aliens** : send the spider to sleep

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : why did you have to say that

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : thats so c r ee p y

 

 **devilhorns** : Too late, Pete.

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : skskks hes actually calling Tony

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : please no Matt

 

 **aliens** : you actually need sleep kid

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : hypocrite

 

 **aliens** : please don't call me out like that

 

 **aliens** : It isn't my fault that V always have McDonald's craving at 3am

 

 **aliens** : the inky bastard just slapped?? my face??

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : how is that possib

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : fucj

 

 **aliens** : Peter?

 

 **aliens** : Peter??

 

 **aliens** : Matt what did you do

 

 **aliens** : guys??

  

**[(12:32 AM) uwu spiders uwu is now offline]**

**devilhorns** : Sorry, Tony just got here.

 

 **aliens** : ah

 

 **aliens** : got it

 

 **devilhorns** : Anyways

 

 **devilhorns** : Sleep earlier, you two.

 

 **aliens** : alright

 

 **devilhorns** : Can't be too sleepy for your honeymoon with Vee, can you?

 

 **aliens** : Eh, none of us really cares.

 

 **devilhorns** : Honestly, that's fair.

 

 **aliens** : Alright then, since this chat is dead without Peter, I'm just gonna leave

 

 **devilhorns** : Same, it's really late.

 

 **aliens** : Night, Matt

 

 **devilhorns** : Night, Eddie.

 

**[(12:39 AM) devilhorns and aliens has logged off]**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**[(8:45 AM) uwu spiders uwu is now online]**

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : WAIT EDDIE

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : YOU AND V ARE HAVING A HONEYMOON????????

 

 **uwu spiders uwu** : WHY THE HELL DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME THIS 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeeter Yarker: skskksksks stfu you guys
> 
> Michelle Jones: I'm pretty sure you're only saying that bc you and I both know that that's true
> 
> Yeeter Yarker: please never use 'that' twice in a single sentence
> 
> Led Needs: but that's technically?? correct??
> 
> Yeeter Yarker: aMeRiCa ExPlAiN
> 
> Michelle Jones: I seriously cannot understand how I can understand you two

**[(1:49) Yeeter Yarker has created the group chat 'inksitters']**

 

**[Yeeter Yarker has added Led Needs and Michelle Jones to 'inksitters']**

 

 **Led Needs** : ??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : this is just so that we can all communicate just in case we're far from each other

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : in which I doubt since Eddie's apartment isn't rly that big but just in c a s e

 

 **Michelle Jones** : Why is the name of the gc called inksitters??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : It's like,,, babysitters but for aliens?? since they look like?? ink??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I don't even know anymore

 

 **Michelle Jones** : oml you d o r k

 

 **Led Needs** : ^^^^^

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : skskksksks stfu you guys

 

 **Michelle Jones** : I'm pretty sure you're only saying that bc you and I both know that that's true

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : please never use 'that' twice in a single sentence

 

 **Led Needs** : but that's technically?? correct??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : aMeRiCa ExPlAiN

 

 **Michelle Jones** : I seriously cannot understand how I can understand you two

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : skskksksksk

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : okay so

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I gave ya'll Eddie's address, right??

 

 **Led Needs** : yep!!!

 

 **Michelle Jones** : yeah

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : good, now we're all just gonna go there at like?? 2:00 PM i think??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I have the key and stuff so its all good

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : nvm its 2:20

 

 **Led Needs** : wait I have several questions

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : go ahead

 

 **Led Needs** : how many kids are gonna be there and can you p l e a s e clarify by what you mean by,,,, "looking like ink"

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : oh uhhhhh

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I think about 5??? and about the second part

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : you'll see, just dont scream bc they dont like loud noises

 

 **Michelle Jones** : why do I have a sudden bad feeling about this

 

 **Led Needs** : skskksksk what are their names

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Its been a long ass while but I'll try to remember

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Lasher, Agony, Phage, Sleeper and Scream

 

 **Led Needs** : Wh

 

 **Led Needs** : ??? w  h a t

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Yeah

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I k n o w

 

 **Michelle Jones** : I wanted to ask why did Eddie give them those names and on second thought

 

 **Michelle Jones** : I don't know if I even want to know

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I mean like,,, to be fair

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : It wasn't Eddie who named them but rather V but then again

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : everyone on V's planet has names like Riot or Carnage so this is normal for them

 

 **Led Needs** : how do you know so much of this

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : Eddie?? tells me a lot??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : idk he mentions it every now and then

 

 **Michelle Jones** : Peter its 2:24

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : F U C K

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I STILL HAVENT DRESSED YET

 

 **Led Needs** : ???????

 

 **Michelle Jones** : peter we did NOT need to know that

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : omg-

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : not in THAT way you dirty-minded ppl

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I'm still in my pjs

 

 **Led Needs** : dude its late into the afternoon

 

 **Led Needs** : how are you still in your pjs

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : listen,,,,

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : when you accidentally do an all-nighter, you need a lot of rest okay??

 

 **Michelle Jones** : I thought Matt called Tony for him to pick you up??

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : yEAH but uhhhhh

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : I,,,, might've snuck out

 

 **Michelle Jones** : thanks now I'm telling May that later

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : MJ NO

 

 **Led Needs** : sorry to interrupt but Peter its 2:29 and I hear stuff being ripped apart in there

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : FUC K K

 

 **Michelle Jones** : jeez language Parker

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : shhhhhhhut your mouth I need to dress

 

 **Led Needs** : I think I just heard a lamp fall in there or something

 

 **Yeeter Yarker** : i'M HURRYING UP

 


End file.
